A chronicle of the misadventures of a would be writer

Monday, October 17, 2011

Farewell notes

If we were too look at it closely, life is but this massive, unending anthology of short stories. In some we are protagonists, in some antagonists, in many just a small side character and in quite a few a digression. Our tales have been penned down, interwoven with those of myriad others as we share our pages with so many others. 

You and I, we shared a story. You know we share, though you may not know it well. I am sure you despise it by now, and still I shall tell it to you one time. We may have lived the same story, but it ended at different places for us.

For you our story ended the minute I walked out on you, for me it still goes on. Do you remember the look of consternation, of guilt on my face when I walked away? I know you didn't, you couldn't have. Trust me though, it was there: both the guilt and the pain of leaving you behind. For months I'd cry myself to sleep and wake up to an undifferentiated blur of time. It took me forever to forget you, but forget you I never did. Memories of you were like this precious miniature painting, priceless yet full of guilt as it stolen. I hid you in my mind behind a lot of exaggerated baggage I collected since I left you. Ever so often however, the wind would blow away the dust and I'd have a clear look at our story and fall apart. It has been too long, and I got another shot at happiness. But I cannot let anyone replace you. It's not just guilt but the pain of considering you replaceable that scares me. What I fail to stand by and play my part again like with you. I doubt I can take this anymore and so I have decided to fade away. No one shall ever replace you, you are my first and only. Today I make sure of it. I end this story hereof, of us and of me so that no new characters are written.

If you ever come across these words, just remember I loved you. I just didn't have a choice. I loved you so much that I make you my only story.

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